Chapter 43: Nurturing My Human, Part 1: Keeping My Oars in My Boat
It is time once again to Stew on this! I have made it my overriding intention for 2026 and beyond to do simply that – to take better care of my human.
I saw a YouTube clip recently that has been echoing through the deeper recesses of my consciousness ever since. It was part of an interview with Matthew Hussey, who is a renowned “love-life expert and confidence coach.” Here is the gist of what he says in the interview: when someone asks us why we love our child, we do not think about specific reasons. We love our child because he or she is our child. So, what if we took that same approach toward ourself?
He explains further: imagine that on the first day of our life, we were given a human being. Our only job (once our parents hand it over to us), although we will take on many other roles in our lifetime, is to care for that human, to nurture it, and to give it the best, sweetest experience of life possible.
Is that not cool?
I sure think it is. Indeed, I have made it my overriding intention for 2026 and beyond to do simply that – to take better care of my human. I feel a bit selfish in this intention, because I know that if I do indeed take care of my human and give it what it most deeply needs and desires, I will be the main beneficiary!
And, to help me with the principles and strategies I will require to manifest this intention, I am turning to some well-known, ancient wisdom: the song, Row Row Row Your Boat. Indeed, there is so much wisdom in it that I will devote my next several chapters to it.
(I have written and spoken about this before, and as always my thanks go to my friend and brother Gary Stewart, who spoke about the wisdom in this song at a Sigafoose Gathering more than twenty years ago)
I begin with the most important words in the song; the ones upon which all the rest of the song depends: YOUR boat (I guess you can tell which of the two words I believe to be more important!)!
Yes, perhaps the best way for me to take better care of my human is to keep my oars in my own boat – not in other people’s boats and not in the world’s boat.
The playlist of ways I have forgotten this (and still do) is quite long. The great majority of them, if not all of them, begin with judgment. At the top of my current hit parade is co-dependence. I still often base my state of consciousness squarely on Hillary’s.
It occurs to me now that the only way I can ever possibly do that is to have my oars in her boat.
Similarly, whenever I delve into comparison or envy or hatred or thinking I need to fix things or to fix others (and get triggered when they do not take my fabulous advice) or thinking I know what people deserve and don’t deserve or getting caught up in the world’s or other peoples’ hopelessness and urgency or any of other things on my playlist, my oars are not to be found anywhere in my boat.
And, I am abdicating my duties in the only real job I really have.
My human was given to ME and my life is MY BOAT, and I intend to keep my oars where they belong. Here are some things that will support me along the way:
I know the reason I lose track of my oars is that I care deeply. I know that keeping my oars in my boat does not mean I do not care about others or the world. It means I can stay in my heart, remain anchored and steadfast in my strengths and values, and choose only those words and actions that will nurture my human. I know that those words and actions will also then nurture others and carry more impact.
I know I CAN keep my oars in my own boat because life is an inside job anyway. I live in my nervous system; in my consciousness. No matter what is going on the outside or what anyone else is doing, my perception of it, the meaning I give it, and how I choose to respond to it are all are going on INSIDE of me.
Remembering that my only job is to give my human the best possible experience of life possible, I CAN respond to my own judgments and thoughts of separation, envy, hate, overwhelm, etc. with compassion, encouragement, gentleness, and self-love – all the things upon which my human thrives.
Speaking of judgments, I know I will always have a snap judgment about things, events and people, because that is what my brain does. It judges, compares, contrasts, labels, categorizes and tabulates. All in an instant! Therefore, I know that it is OK to judge; I just do not want to stay there!! Indeed, I CAN use my judgments, when they invariably show up, to remember my job and to reclaim my oars.
When I approach life with an intention to take care of my human, I CAN remember that most of the things I get wrapped up about do not really matter at all. It doesn’t really matter if I do not understand someone else’s behavior or why things are happening. It does not even really matter if I am right and someone else is wrong! What matters is for me to stay connected to my heart, to the other person, and to the world, so I can effectively do my job and express and experience love.
Finally, I know that my heart is the key to my awareness and experience of love, oneness, wholeness, and compassion - all the things that contribute to the best possible life experience for my human. I CAN use the awareness that I am rowing somebody else’s boat to remember to access my own heart. I know it can hold anything and everything, and in the meantime, I am then free to proceed with my rowing, gently and merrily down the stream.
Stew on that, and I will see you next week. Bring your oars!
Hussey’s thing…brief description…great strategy for this is in row row row your boat…next 4-5 weeks?
Starting w/ most important word, on which rest depend: YOUR
Your boat! Taking care of your human is YOUR job
As w/ any job, some more skillful than others, but we all have same job and can all be more skillful at it…and part of that is keeping our oars in our own boat/out of others’/worlds’
So many ways we can abdicate this duty/oars…based on judgment: co-dependence, comparison/envy, hatred, thinking we need to fix others/things/giving unsolicited advice (especially triggering when it is not followed)
Life is an inside job…we live in NS/cx…no matter what is going on outside or what anyone else is doing, our perception of it, meaning we give it, choice of response, etc. are going on inside
Remembering that our job is to give our human the best possible experience of life possible, we can choose to respond to our own judgments and thots of separation, envy, hate, etc with compassion and self-love
It’s never about what it’s about/never about them! Not saying folks don’t do horrible things to themselves and others and I need to hang out with those people…not saying we shouldn’t speak out about schmootz in the world…but when I keep my oars in my boat, I can stay in my heart and say just like me
“Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same oven. ~Yiddish Proverb
2 wolves…brief description
Never know what kind of oven other was baked in/which wolf has been fed in others’ lives…better to feed our own…
We are our own oven so can continually bake bread that feeds our own good wolf…
This gives us the best chance at rowing merrily down the stream regardless of events or appearances
Most of the ways we have our oars in others’ boats is based on judgment…it’s OK to judge, esp because we’re going to do it!
It’s OK to judge, but we don’t want to stay there/keep oars there…we can notice our judgments and make a different choice that takes better care of our human…
We all judge others, we all judge ourselves, and when we do, can use it as an opportunity to feed the good wolf right in that next moment
In terms of taking care of our human, do the things we get wrapped up in really matter? Does it really matter if we don’t understand someone/thing or if we’re right? What matters is that we stay connected to our heart and to the other person so we do our job and exp/exp love
Our heart is the key to our awareness and experience of love, oneness, sameness, compassion…all the things that contribute to the best life expression for our human…we can use the awareness we’re rowing somebody else’s boat to remember to access heart…it can hold everything & in the meantime, the higher brain centers/better angels can feed good wolf
Row row row = as long as the other conditions of the song are met, this is a lifelong journey and every inch brings goodness
Gently DOWN the stream
Merrily X 4
Life is but a dream…can be our wildest dream.
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